Last week I ran an extraordinary driving course with a very small being who unexpectedly materialised for a first driving lesson.
There are some days when I surprise myself regarding how un-phased I can be by a particular vehicle or driver. Typical owners are proud of their vehicle purchase for they represent their status in life.
Sure there are cars, and there are cars, and my judgement can be constrained by the limitations of the use to which I put them. I drive millions of pounds worth of automotive hardware every month. I am nearly always operating at the margins, and I am nearly always in the position where I have the owner of the car sitting next to me because they want to learn about their abilities to operate at the outer margins of their capability.
I am aware that if I go completely over the top it might compromise the learning for the student so I make appropriate compromises in my driving such that the gap is reasonably achievable for the student.
But what is it like for an alien?
This is a being who is completely innocent, someone who has no experience of driving a car, let alone driving near the limit. Someone who has no idea of their own capability or that of the vehicle they are driving.
What then?
Anything I do is potentially going to be a stretch. Or is that simply an erroneous assessment on my part?
Is it actually a trivial activity for a being who is light years away from normal? So it doesn’t matter what I do. It’s all going to be novel.
Where would I start?
Perhaps I should find the right car, one with no power, handling, aesthetic appeal and L-plates? Left hand drive or right hand drive? Huge power? Does it matter what we choose?
So we agree on a suitable vehicle - a Porsche Carrera GT no less.
What happened next was extraordinary - said being, having been suitably packed out to fit into the driving seat so pedals and steering were accessible and having a briefing, proceeded to drive off as is it were a trip to the Blue Moon pub.
Surprising what you can pick up watching others do stuff!
We did a bit of gear changing, matching revs, heel and toe, focusing on goals, looking in the right place etc. And we started to move along a bit.
Cornering was a bit daunting – presumably because long periods of weightlessness combined with too much padding in the seat with loss of lateral support lead to a loss of precision.
A few pointers and we’re catching the odd bit of oversteer as we slide around the place at high speed completely in control.
A normal day at the office you may say.
Well it was until you realise that the driver is ten years old on his first day out in a car. It takes courage to let your ten year old son out in a car with me driving, it takes a lot more that that to let me out with him driving!
"Don't go too fast, son."
And we didn't.
Despite his best endeavours, Ali didn't get over 145 mph in his dad's Porsche Carrera GT on his debut driving lesson at Bruntingthorpe today. Don was a little surprised to find himself teaching ten year old Ali. Even more surprising was Ali's ability at the wheel of the 620 horsepower Porsche. By the end of the day, heel and toe gear changes complimented fine throttle control and superb steering.
